Saturday, November 18, 2017

This will never end

“This will never end”, is a really common belief that keeps us well and truly stuck. It engenders a sense of helplessness, powerlessness and hopelessness which feels absolutely horrible. This belief and all it entails, is often worse than anything that came before it because we fear that how we feel will go on forever without any respite.


One of the main reasons we stay in this unbroken loop is because we keep avoiding unpleasant and uncomfortable emotions (assuming any traumatic experiences are over). It is natural and normal for certain emotions to arise depending on what we’re experiencing, it shows that we’re human. How these emotions were received by others early on in our life is usually when the problems start.

You might have learned that it is unacceptable to be angry, especially if you’re a girl or that you’re weak for being afraid if you’re a boy. We then start to believe that we are unacceptable, weak and bad for having these emotions, because the adults in our lives couldn’t handle us displaying certain emotions that they had an issue with (most likely learned from their parents and so it goes).

We learn self-regulation (how to handle our emotions and resulting body sensations) from being co-regulated, that is; soothed, reassured, accepted, understood and loved. Self regulation is a skill that can be learned like any other and even if we didn’t have a relational home when we were younger, we can give it to ourselves and get it from others.

Try tapping on:

Even though I have this belief that this will never end and that makes me feel … I accept how I feel

Even though this belief brings up unbearable sensations in my body that I feel I have to avoid or else … I accept how I feel

Even though it feels hopeless (or I feel hopeless) and the first time I remember feeling this way was … I accept how I feel

Even though it feels like this will never change, I can choose to make some changes that I have control over and that feels …

Then tap on whatever feels right through the points until you find some relief and hope to give you the strength to make the changes you need and want to make.

Thursday, November 09, 2017

Acceptance

Acceptance is oh so hard to do, especially when there is something going on, or went on in your life that you can’t accept. We can’t accept things for various reasons, but the biggest one I think is that something is causing/caused us pain. We think that if we accept it, it’ll stay (or go as the case may be) and that is unacceptable.


Write down the two sentences below and fill in the blank. Work on one issue at a time. Rate the percentage of what you can’t or can accept. Say for example, you write down 80% for ‘can’t accept’ and 10% for ‘can accept’ on the same issue, there’s a mismatch. Can accept ‘should be’ 20%, so by writing it out this way, you can really see the truth of how you feel and what you can truly accept right now.

1. I can’t accept …
2. I can accept …

Accept what you can’t accept for the moment. You are doing the best you can for now and you will increase your acceptance of something when you are ready. If you have judgements or criticisms about what you can/can’t accept, why, any urgency etc., you can tap on them. Remember being aware and acknowledging something is there can be really helpful, even if we can’t accept it right now.