Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Putting the cart before the horse

When people talk about forgiving before they, or you, are ready, it's like putting the cart before the horse. There's a lot of talk about forgiveness in the spiritual movement but it can be yet another way to bypass how you really feel. Don't fake it if you don't really feel it. As my husband says lies have short legs, it doesn't work long term to lie either to yourself or others.

If you can't bring yourself to forgive, you'll end up feeling frustrated, guilty, ashamed and a lot of other things. You can't forgive until you process all of your hurts. You won't even need to forgive I think, because you'll be at a place of peace within yourself and you'll come to an acceptance of what happened or what is happening. That doesn't mean you like what happened or think that it is ok, and you have every right to feel that way, but it won't bother you any more when you have dissolved all the emotional charges. See EFT short cut here.

You couldn't relive your life, skipping the awful parts, without losing what made it worthwhile. You had to accept it as a whole--like the world, or the person you loved ~ Stuart O'Nan

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

I should be over this

I hear this all the time. So many of us feel that we should be over whatever it is because it happened so long ago or it wasn't that big a deal to begin with. But we feel what we feel. If it still bothers you that's enough for you to take it seriously enough to do something about it. And the thing we usually have to do to be over it is to FEEL it. The anger, the shame, the guilt, the feeling of being bad, whatever it is, feeling it helps us to move forward and heal the hurt.

Try saying:
It's ok that I have this ....
It's ok not to be over this ...
It's ok that this is still here ....
I can still love and accept myself if this ... never goes away

Are there any objections? Which sentence holds the most charge? That's where you could start tapping. You could also try tapping on the script below, making sure to customise it for you.

Even though I believe/think/feel I should be over ... I accept how I feel
Even though I'm still not over this ... and that makes me feel ... I accept how I feel
Even though this ... is still here and that makes me feel ... I accept myself anyway

Top of the head: I should be over ...
Eyebrow: Because ...
Side of eye: It's pathetic that this still bothers me
Under the eye: All these years later
Under the nose: It wasn't even that big a deal
Under the chin: If I compare it to ....
Collar bone: But that doesn't make me feel better
Under the arm: I just feel ashamed

Top of the head: That I'm not over ...
Eyebrow: I've never been able to feel ...
Side of eye: Maybe that's why it's still here
Under the eye: I have some unfinished business
Under the nose: It feels stuck
Under the chin: Because I haven't been able to face it
Collar bone: Or admit it
Under the arm: Or just feel it

Top of the head: It's ok to feel ...
Eyebrow: It's ok to feel frustrated that this is still here
Side of eye: It's ok to feel shame that I haven't gotten over it
Under the eye: All of my feelings are ok
Under the nose: They are just feelings
Under the chin: And it's ok to feel them all
Collar bone: Even if they feel difficult or painful
Under the arm: They're still my feelings

Some people think I should
be over my ex by now — maybe
I thought I might have been over him more
by now. Maybe I’m half over who he
was, but not who I thought he was, and not
over the wound, sudden deathblow
as if out of nowhere, though it came from the core
of our life together ~ Sharon Olds

Sunday, October 05, 2014

Love yourself enough

To tell yourself your secrets. What you really think. How you really feel. What you really want. Whoever you feel you have to lie to, don't lie to yourself. Tell yourself the truth and observe any pressure or stress you feel lessening.